When you join one of our online programs you get a special invitation to our Secret Facebook Group (no one can tell you’re a member or see your posts). This group is filled with women who all love someone suffering from addiction.
And our little Secret Group is a BIG part of my heart. They share with such honesty that empowers us all to rise up together. They encourage one another and cheer each other on – it’s such a beautiful community to be a part of.
We never, ever do judgment and we don’t do negative venting. It’s a safe place to ask questions, share victories and be encouraged.
One of the questions that was shared by a very strong and wonderful woman in our group went like this:
Q: So I have been opening up to family and friends about being in an alcoholic marriage. I am at the point now where I really don’t care who knows and don’t feel the need to keep it a secret from anyone. At this point if anyone asks about my Alcoholic Husband I am honest with them. How do I share with people outside of my immediate world? While I don’t want to embarrass him I feel strongly that I do need to be honest if they ask.
Here’s my response:
A: Great question. I share my experiences with a lot of people. I think it’s our responsibility as women to break the stigma of this disease. We are thoughtful, loving women and the more we share with others, the more empowered we become.
It’s important to NOT talk poorly about them. That makes everyone feel uncomfortable and you want to maintain your dignity.
You can say, “I am currently going through a divorce with a wonderful man who happens to suffer from addiction. He is so talented and funny, and I would have loved for it work out but I just couldn’t support his poor choices anymore.”
You can change the TALENTED and FUNNY part to some kind of traits you admire about him.
Stick to the facts and give him credit for his good qualities (this disease does happen to good men and women).
You don’t want to come across as resentful or bitter. You are healing, you are empowered. You are a loving and strong enough woman to have forgiven and chosen to move on.
You don’t owe anyone any apologies and you don’t need to feel guilty or embarrassed. You refused to be brought down by this disease and that’s so admirable. You’re a survivor.
And I really want to take a moment to say…I LOVE that you are sharing this with others. There are soo many women out there secretly suffering who NEED to know they are not alone. Who need the message of hope.
So please keep sharing. I share as often as I can (to the grocery clerk, the Starbucks barista, and the woman I just met at a party. I am hoping they ask me some kind of question that leads to my share of being married to an alcoholic and substance abuser). It’s not about putting him down – it’s about offering hope that we can rise up from this disease.
If we choose to stay or leave – that’s not the point. It’s that we are learning to overcome. Together.
If you’re interested in joining our wonderful Secret Facebook Group – check out our programs here. If you have a question, email us – no question is too silly.