Drinking and Driving: The Boundaries You Need

The Love Over Addiction Secret Facebook Group is filled with some of the most loving and encouraging women I’ve ever met. Our sisterhood is bonded together through loving someone suffering with an addiction.

This disease can do a really good job of keeping us isolated and alone. But there is something so healing and powerful that happens when you’re surrounded by a group of women who are ready and willing to lift you up when you need it the most.  

One of those women asked a great question that I think a lot of you can relate to:

Q: How do I protect myself when my partner chooses to drink and drive? I’m afraid he will get into an accident and hurt/kill someone else and therefore everything I have worked for will be taken by his bad choice. How can I approach my husband and let him know that I would like to drive without him getting angry and defensive?

Can you relate to this? Does the one you love drink and drive? Are you worried about them facing legal action from getting in an accident? Are you looking for ways to avoid driving with them after they’ve had a few drinks?

Here’s my answer:

[We go into this in greater details in the Love Over Addiction and the Love Over Mistakes programs.]

The truth is, you should NEVER get in the car with someone who has been drinking. That is a boundary you need to have in place for your safety.


Even if he gets mad at you… 
you must not get in the car.  

Here’s something you can say when your partner is sober and has not been drinking: “I love you, but I can’t get in the car if you’ve been drinking. It scares me. If you’re planning on drinking, I would like the keys to the car. Can we agree on that?”

Then, if he or she agrees, but refuses to give you the keys, have the Uber or Lyft app already loaded on your phone and ready to call. If you don’t have Uber or Lyft, call a friend. But don’t get in that car. This is a healthy and safe boundary. You need to protect your safety. If he wants to risk his life – there’s nothing you can do. However, you get to choose to protect yours.


As for other boundaries like finances and protecting marital assets, we also cover that in the Love Over Boundaries program. There are a lot of steps you can take to prevent yourself from losing everything and if we want to get control over this disease we must learn how to protect ourselves. I hope you’ll consider joining me in one of the programs.