Are you obsessed with fixing and solving their addiction? Is their disease consuming your thoughts? You were created with a purpose. Healing, fixing and solving someone else’s issues is not your job. God is the only one who has the power to heal and He doesn’t need your help. In fact, the more you try to “help” or “teach” them, the more you are getting in His way.
The next time you are tempted to criticize, clean up the mess, or jump in to save the day, STOP. The real “job” in life is to try to discover what YOUR purpose is. What are your spiritual gifts, and how are you using them to glorify God? You are beautifully made with so much to offer. He is right here with you during this painful time. He has not abandoned you. You could spend the rest of your life trying to get your loved one to live up to their potential, all the while, ignoring your own purpose; or, you could start focusing on God’s plan for your life. Not sure of your purpose? Read this article… pray and get excited! Because you love Him, He promises us to work our suffering out for good (Romans 8:28).
I am so grateful for each one of you. Look how many comments we have – how wonderful!! Please continue to have discussions with each other – there is such healing with sharing your pain. Don’t forget to subscribe by providing your email (top of the screen) and check out the Love Over Addiction Program.
Unless their recovery is their idea it will never last. You can beg, plead, and threaten all you want but that’s just your way of manipulating them to do something YOU want them to do. I spent hundreds of hours researching addiction to help my husband get sober. Most of the time he would start attending meetings, or therapy (perhaps, just to get me to stop nagging him) but it never lasted more than a month. I even arranged for him to attend a $60,000 rehab facility for 30 days – he came home after the month and was sober for three days. Why…because HE didn’t want to get sober yet. It wasn’t HIS desire – it was MINE.
In order for AA or rehab to work, it must be because they have hit rock bottom. Stop searching for answers how to help him get sober. Stop trying to solve his issues and start focusing on your own. The moment I started putting the focus on my personal growth – my true healing began.
P.S. Can I tell you how much I adore you all? You always leave such powerful and honest comments! Not one of you has been mean spirited, or hurtful (and that’s so unusual for a blog). I’m just so proud of you:) Each one of you deserves a loving, nurturing relationship. Please leave a comment (and respond to others). There is freedom in sharing.
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Bad Mouthing Them to Your Children
Your children deserve the right to form their own opinion about their parent, not inherit yours. Read that again. Different children react differently. Some think their parent who suffers from addiction is a hero (denial), some get angry, some are too young to understand and are indifferent. All of these reactions are ok.
When they get hurt by the addicted parent tell them, “Daddy/Mommy is sick. They have a disease. There is nothing you can do to help them. Only they can decide when to get better. They love you very much. You know who else loves you? Your Heavenly Father. He will never let you down, never leave you. He will teach you, guide you and always be ready to talk. He created you because He loves you.”
Bad Mouthing Them to Your Friends & Family
Do you speak disrespectfully about your loved one to friends and family? We are told to live our lives in ALL respects to be a model of good works, and show integrity, dignity and sound speech that cannot be condemned. If Jesus were to overhear your conversations, would He condemn you or give your praise? You can speak of your pain and suffering, but choose the selection of words carefully.
If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless. James 1:26
Do you have a hard time with this? Me too:) I think we all do. Please leave a comment and share. We are growing together. Don’t forget to subscribe to the newsletter (above) so you can be the first to receive new posts.
Threatening, begging and pleading don’t change behaviors. Especially with alcoholics or addicts. You must “teach” them consequences and boundaries with your actions not your words.
If they start to drink in the house: pick up your keys, get the kids in the car and leave.
If they start to yell at you on the phone: politely hang up. Tell them, “I care about how you feel, and you sound very upset but I will not tolerate you talking to me like that. Call me back when you have calmed down and are ready to be respectful”. Then HANG UP.
When you set your boundaries you must keep in mind Proverbs 31:25. ”She clothed herself with dignity and strength and laughed without fear of the future”.
You may not: yell, call names, throw plates, give him the silent treatment, manipulate or guilt trip him. We are being called by God, to be is dignified and self controlled with strength from the Holy Spirit. If you don’t feel like you have those traits, pray for them.
Leave your loved one at the foot of the cross. God is much more powerful and mightier than addiction.
Having a hard time with this? You are not alone. This is a safe place so please leave a comment and encourage one another. Let’s do this together:)
When your loved one is suffering from addiction….1 drink. 1 line. 1 puff. 1 pill…..is 1 too many. It does not matter how many drinks they have had or what kind of drugs they are taking. A drug is a drug and a drink is a drink.
Keeping track of what they consume and when they consume it is your sinful attempt to control an uncontrollable situation.
If you throw away their alcohol they will just spend more money replacing it. Money that you need to pay the mortgage, make a car payment or buy groceries.
Save your money, save your time and save your sanity. Don’t keep track of their drinking or drug use. When you are afraid of losing control by letting go and surrendering, put your trust in God, and He will protect you. (Psalm 56:3-4)
Are you feeling afraid? Do you keep track of his drinking or drug use? Leave a comment – and let’s be a light to each other. You are not alone.
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