Daily Choices

How To Tell If You Are Overreacting

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Has his drinking been an issue that seems uncontrollable?  Are your important memories ruined by his bad habits?  Are you feeling jealous and resentful of other friends and family that seem to have it so much better than you?

I remember feeling that way too.  When my son was born my husband was too sick to even show up at the hospital.  All the nurses assumed my Dad was the father. One of the happiest times of my life became one of the most disappointing and hurtful moments.  There was no more denying that he had major issues.  But we do deny sometimes, don’t we? We allow ourselves to think this craziness is normal.  We allow ourselves to believe our pain is not justified.  Or somehow we are being overly sensitive.

I am here to remind you, my wonderful friends – what’s normal and what’s not.  If you want a functional relationship with a man – stop accepting dysfunction in your life. 

Not Normal:

Verbal and physical abuse (including mistreatment of our children)

Drinking until they pass out

Lying and covering up alcohol or drug use

Criminal behavior

Irresponsible behavior (over spending, not coming home)

Unemployment

It’s totally acceptable (and necessary) for you to desire a man who is:

Normal:

Honest

Trustworthy (follows through with his promises)

Makes healthy lifestyle choices

A good friend and role model for others

Provider and contributor to your family

Shows up and calls when he says he will

Start praying for God to teach you what is best for you, to direct your path and help you carry the load. You are not powerless, you are powerful!  You can have normal!  Did you find this helpful? Please leave a comment and share… we LOVE hearing from you!

From Me to You

Some Big News… Kinda.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

You know it’s always been our goal to create a fresh new community of women who love a man that drinks too much or suffers from substance abuse.  We want to serve you by providing super helpful recourses that will inspire, encourage, and remind you that you are a beautiful, lovable, amazing woman (even if that’s hard for you to hear).

Sometime in November we are launching our new website.  The blog (with all your amazing comment sharing) will still be up and running.  But, the Love Over Addiction program will be no longer be for sale.

Not to worry, we are going to be working on launching an equally powerful version of The Love Over Addiction program in 2015 (can you believe it’s almost 2015?)

So, if you have not purchased the program… this is your last chance.  And if you have not subscribed (it’s free) to the newsletters – go ahead – what are you waiting for?:)

From Me to You

A Personal Story

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

My ex-husband called me last night and told me he was dying.  Five years ago this would have been upsetting news.  But now I just recognize it for what it really is:  a cry for help (he is not really dying).  I asked him what I could do and he asked me to “just listen.”

He began to sob like a child.  Over the last 10 years he lost multiple jobs, a wife, a long-time live-in girlfriend, two sets of children, and is about to have his electricity turned off because he can’t pay the bills.  He lives amongst filthiness and dysfunction. And even his family refuses to talk to him – too many bridges have been burned.  He is only 38 years old.

“I am all alone, Michelle”.

I did not try to fix him, or condemn him.  There were no words.  I just listened.

“I don’t want to go on living.  My whole life I have been fighting this and I am tired.  I hate being sober because I have to face so many things, but I hate myself when I drink.”

It must be an awful life.  Constantly running away from all the people you have hurt and the pain you feel.  He really needs to hear the forgiveness and mercy that God is so ready to grant him, if he would just surrender.  But unfortunately, the bottom of his rock bottom is very, very deep.

I told him I would pray for him.  Gave him some updates on the kids and compassionately said goodbye.  It was sad, and it broke my heart a little to hear a man so wounded by his own choices.  My husband walked into the room and asked if everything was ok.

We climbed into bed together and prayed for him.

That was my old life.  Drama.  Pain.  Suffering.  Loneliness.  Powerful words that only someone who loves an alcoholic or addict can understand.  I thank God that all it now takes to leave that dysfunctional world behind is hanging up the phone.

My life now is filled with love, laughter and joy.  My children are safe and I am married to a honest man who cherishes us, comes home on time, and is filled with integrity.  I know I would never to be able to appreciate my life today had it not been so awful for so long.

What’s going on with you this week?  Share your story with us, ask a question on reach out to one another.  You are not alone.  We are here to encourage you and cheer you on… don’t forget to subscribe to the newsletter in the top right corner.

Daily Choices

3 Ways To Get Help Now

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

You feel devastated.  Life was never meant to be this painful.  You are exhausted and anxious, and don’t know just how much more of his drinking or drug use you can take.

You love him for the man he could be. He has so much potential.  The good times are great and the bad times are awful.  It’s a rollercoaster ride.  And you want to get off.  You want a happy, healthy life with the man you love.

I was just like you.

My life was consumed with trying to help my husband.   But there is a better way.

1.  If you don’t pray – start now.  Stop being busy with “busy work”, put your hands together and ask for help.

2.  Have faith – if you think nothing good will happen, nothing will.  Look out for ways God begins to work in your life.

3.  Get help – Go to an Alanon meeting, Celebrate Recovery, a therapist, or buy the Love Over Addiction Program.  It all works, if you make the choice to start working.

You are beautiful, loving and caring.  You deserve to feel cherished and deeply loved.  I say it all the time – but this disease can make you feel so unworthy.

Do you know anyone who is suffering?  Would you like me to come to guest speak in your church or organization?  If so, pass this along to your friends, family or pastors.  Let’s grow this community and SHARE. There are so many who need help.

Daily Choices

How to Feel Grateful When Life Seems So Hard

Saturday, August 9, 2014

I separated from my husband many years ago (we are now divorced.)  I had no money, no college education and three little children to care for.  I was scared to death.  Leaving someone who suffers from addiction was awful.  I didn’t know where I was going to live, how I was going to be pay rent and the idea of anyone ever loving me again seemed impossible.

One night I was driving home from an appointment with my therapist and I started to think of all the things I was grateful for.  My children’s smile, my new cookbook, reruns of The Golden Girls (I know, I’m a dork), my brother who stepped up and offered to babysit the kids so I could get help and go to my appointments.  The list went on and on.  The more detailed I got about what I was grateful for, the greater the joy started rising in my heart. 

I know now this was God helping me give thanks in all circumstances.  Why?  Because He knows that being still and reflecting on all the little things that are blessings in our life is the easiest way to take our heart from darkness to light.

No matter how bad my life circumstances got (and they included court dates, restraining orders, threats and hiding out in hotels), I gave thanks throughout the day and choose to focus on all the “little things.”

What do you need to give thanks for?  Do you have a grateful heart today or are you stuck in the darkness?  

Make a list of things to be thankful for each day and begin to feel the joy!  Romans 12:2

You are a beautiful, loving person.  You are generous and kind hearted.  Leave a comment and dare to be vulnerable with each other.  Lift each other up and encourage one another. Subscribe to the free newsletter (above) and don’t forget to checkout the life changing Love Over Addiction Program.