Intimacy, Part 2 – be prepared to blush a little

A few weeks ago, we discussed intimacy while loving an alcoholic or substance abuser and I covered what to do if you would rather not be intimate with the one you love. This week, I’m going to go into a little more detail because of all the questions I have been receiving.

You’re going to learn if alcohol or drugs kill your partner’s sex drive (and lead to ED – erectile dysfunction), what to do if they’re blaming you for the lack of intimacy in your relationship, and how to stop accepting responsibility when he isn’t interested or can’t perform.

So take a deep breath, make sure there are no kiddos around, and let’s talk about this very real problem (because we do real here – without any judgment, of course).


First off, let’s start with the fact that excessive drinking can cause a sexual dysfunction called testicular atrophy by lowering testosterone production. The less testosterone, the less interested in sex a person becomes.

So if he’s acting like your roommate while all your girlfriends are complaining their husbands want to have sex all the time, you can thank alcohol for disrupting his hormone distribution and liver function.

[No need to compare yourself to your girlfriends. You are just as beautiful, fun and loving as they are. They are just not married to a man with this disease.]


It’s also very common for men who binge drink to have erectile dysfunction. Do you want to know why? I will make this very brief and not too scientific:

Alcohol can prevent blood vessels in the penis from closing so it cannot remain erect (I promise that’s the last time I use the words “penis” and “erect” on the blog).

So if they blame you for not being attractive enough (this disease is so nasty sometimes, right?), you now know they’re doing this to cover up the fact that they can’t have sex with you because of their drinking.


Most alcoholics and drug users refuse to take responsibility for their actions so of course, they’re not going to say, “Sorry, honey. If I just get sober once and for all we would be able to make love again.”

Instead, they will find ways to blame you or whatever else they can think of. Don’t fall for it. You’re a smart woman. You now understand – this has nothing to do with you. It’s just science.


If you’re ready to make your healing as important as his sobriety – we are waiting for you. The programs are online, confidential and you have lifetime access – so you can do them at your own pace.


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