Why Did Your Partner Fall In Love With You?

The other night I was folding laundry – that’s a daily chore with a large family. Thankfully, I have a very nice laundry room where I can watch the kids in the pool or playing in the backyard while I fold and stack and sort.

I was in the middle of moving the clothes from the washer to the dryer and I was thinking of you (because I spend a lot of my time thinking of you). I had a thought that made me stop and thought, “I needed to tell her this right away!”

We always say this disease happens to good people right? And it’s true. We love good people who are suffering from a disease. At their roots they are good. They are gifted and full of potential. That’s why we fell in love with them in the first place – because we see their true, beautiful selves.

But here’s another important thing to remember that I think we miss: we are really gifted women too. This disease is attracted to us because of all our wonderful qualities.

We’re not crazy, even though addiction tries to make us feel that way. It’s actually quite the opposite. We are very sane and very capable women. That’s why we come up with so many wonderful ways to help our partner (even if they never take us up on it for very long).

We are loving women who are fiercely loyal. There’s nothing we wouldn’t do for the ones we love. We protect and serve and then serve some more.

And I am sure some of you are thinking, “What’s so special about this? I’ve always been this way.”

But that’s my point. What comes naturally for us are very rare gifts to find in others. What makes us special is the exact reason why addiction loves women like us.

Do you know how many women are in this community? Over 17,000. And do you know how many of us are successful women? We are working mothers, lobbyists, lawyers, nurses, marketing directors, triathletes, entrepreneurs, and teachers. The list goes on and on.

We are not stupid like this disease tries to make us feel. We are very capable, smart women who can manage a whole lot more than just ourselves.

We are managing little people or grown-up people, we are making contributions to make this world a better place, we are researchers and readers and advocates.

So next time this disease tries to get you to believe the ridiculous lies that you’re unloveable, you’re not worthy of someone’s time and attention, or that if you changed they would get sober… just remember, my loving and thoughtful manager – that you are a woman who knows better.

You are a smart and beautiful woman who is fully capable of managing her own life and making healthy decisions that are full of self-love.


If you want to learn exactly how to take steps toward your own recovery when you love someone who drinks too much or suffers from addiction, I would love to help you. Your healing starts with you – not him. I’ve put together a free guide with 12 tips to get you started on this journey. Following these tips won’t always be easy, but it’s the beginning of your transformation. Sign up below and I’ll send them straight to your inbox.

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